Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Randomize
