Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
