he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
