When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
