Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
