Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
be right there i have to get my cape
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
