I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sext me about skeletons
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
