now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize