she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
