i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
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Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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