Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
