matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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