i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
3pm strippers are depressing
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
