Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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