I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
