That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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