it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sext me about skeletons
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
