I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
