But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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