I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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