i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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