apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
