first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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