There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Damn victory sex feels great
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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