no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
no you cant smoke seaweed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
