I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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