my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
