Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
