just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
