I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
