So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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