I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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