is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
