if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
