The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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