You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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