The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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