i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
