Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
