Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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