I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
