I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
