Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
