No, drunk sperm still make babies.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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