Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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