You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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