Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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