Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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