Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
