i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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