i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
