You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
