There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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