my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
