haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We need a shit load of segways right now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
