:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
