I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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