Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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