i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
