I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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