the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
