So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
