And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
