You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe