You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
