I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.