Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida