Your mouth is God's brothel.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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