I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
