Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed