Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
