I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
