Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
