she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
