Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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