everyone is single if you try hard enough
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
