so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
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she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
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What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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