I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
