so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
