booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Randomize
