I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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