Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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