My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
