I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
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I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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