A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
