Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The uberlube is also flammable
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
